Today
is the first day of the hormone injections for the fertility preservation
treatments. Everything I needed was shipped to me by the foundation. A sharps
box for the needles and all of the drugs. Getting it all out looked like some
kind of crazy chemistry experiment. I was too scared to do the first injections
on my own, and had to have Chase do it. To be honest though, the injections
were with much smaller needles than I had been stabbed with for all of the tests
and blood draws I’d done so far. It didn't really seem so terrible after all. I
just hoped that being on all these hormones did make me too much a crazy
person.
Chase
then left for a club workshop and I tried to put our house in order. It was the
first time I had a chance to clean the house. Even with us being
gone so much that week I was surprised at the number of dishes in the sink and I decided to do that another day.
Cleaning has always been therapeutic for me and it was nice to have a chance to
relax. The rest of the afternoon was spent playing games with some of our
friends. The whole day was oddly normal and probably exactly what we needed.
That
night was ward temple night, and we were wanting to go to the temple anyway. We
had been feeling the need to go and really communicate with the Lord. We were
still struggling to make a decision about treatment and knew that he had been
helping us this far, it would be silly to not ask him about this decision as
well. As we sat in the chapel waiting for our session to begin I prayed for
some kind of guidance and the strength to endure and learn something. I also
was reading the scriptures. As I read in the Book of Mormon, Moroni chapter 7 I
came across a passage about the atonement. For some reason, even though I had
read it before this time it seemed to speak to me. The atonement was provided
for us to cover everything, not just sin, but sorrow. It makes it possible for us
to go through terrible things and become stronger because of it. Because of the
atonement everything we may suffer, or be denied in this life, will be made
fair in the end. So long as we put our faith in the Lord all things are
possible. I know this is true. I know that we are all children of a loving
Father in Heaven, and I am putting my trust in his plan now because I know that
he will take care of me.
At the
end of our session Chase and I talked some more about treatment options. Both
of us had started feeling very strongly about one option over the other. There
was no rational reason for it, but we could feel the guidance of the lord. We
were still planning on getting a second opinion, and doing more research, but
from that night on, I haven’t worried as much and I am not as scared. I know
that we are being watched over and I know that no matter what happens, it will
turn out the way it should.
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