Today was nice because we didn't have to do anything hospital related. It was actually the first totally normal day we'd had since Thursday. It was also the first day that we had to start telling people what was going on. Of course our families knew at this point, and our families had started telling our extended family. But it was harder telling our ward and close friends for some reason. Maybe because we see them more often, and because I was so afraid that this was going to change the way they treated me?
Chase had a morning meeting with his Elder’s Quorum presidency and let all of them know what was going on. I told my visiting teaching companion and good friend Tiffany. It was harder that I had expected it to be. The more I told people the more real it seemed, like I was letting it become a part of my life by talking about it. Seeing other people feel sad, and worry about me was a strange and uncomfortable experience. It got to the point that just talking to people was exhausting because every conversation became at least 20 minutes of explaining what was going on, trying to comfort them, and not being able to answer all their questions. I started asking all of my questions about their life first, because I knew that once I told them, cancer would be all they wanted to talk about. Not that I blame them. It is a big deal, I can’t pretend it’s not, and we have so many friends who care so much about us they want to know what is going on. This was the reason that we decided to do a blog. To help keep people up to date, while at the same time, saving us the emotional effort it takes to talk through it again and again.
We invited some of our close friends over for dinner that night and it turned out to be a lot of fun. Of course there was the obligatory cancer conversation, but we were also able to talk about their exciting news to. They had just bought a real house, and they were even nice enough to drive us over and show it to us. It was nice to know that good things are still happening to other people and to know that our friends care about us and want to understand the crazy mess our life has become.
I was overwhelmed by the amount of love and support we felt today. Everyone we talked to asked if they could help us, offered to bring us food, or showed their support in some way. Everyone was genuinely sad. But you know, I’m starting to realize, that as far as having cancer is concerned, I don’t have a lot to be sad about. The number of blessing that have come my way far outnumber the bad things. Here is my count so far:
Bad Things:
1. I have cancer
Blessings:
1. I have not one, but two, loving and supportive families who have offered to help us with anything we need and the most amazing husband in the world who has been by my side the whole time.
2. I am still on my parents insurance and do not have to stress about find a way to pay for all of the medical bills that are coming my way.
3. I have a job that has allowed me the flexibility I need to deal with all the medical stuff that is happening.
4. I have the more treatable form of lymphoma with a high cure rate and a great prognosis
5. The biopsy happened early and I don’t have any symptoms. I feel well enough to deal with everything that is happening and still have some fun along the way.
6. I have a literal army of friends and people who love me who will help me with everything I could need
7. I have faith in my Heavenly Father’s plan. I know that everything that happens in this life has a part in making us the best we can be, and that no matter how unfair it seems right now, all the injustices will be made up for if I trust in my Savior.
8. I have a husband and wonderful friends who hold the priesthood, and are worthy to give me priesthood blessings. This means I never have to rely on just my own strenth to get through this.
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