April 26 – Hair-magedon

                                Fair warning, this post is full of pictures, tons of them! Enjoy!

                 The weekend seemed to confirm the pattern we have been noticing after my treatments. I was sick for about four days, fatigued on the fourth day (Tuesday), and have felt like my normal self ever since. This time, the fatigue and headaches were worse, and the nausea was better. Honestly, I could get used to that, because feeling nauseous is my least favorite thing ever. But by Wednesday I was feeling good again. Chemo hasn't been nearly as debilitating as I was afraid it was going to be and I almost feel guilty about how nice everyone has been. I'm not really that sick, and it only lasts 4 days out of every 14.

                That being said, it is still chemo, and this week was a strong reminder. It started innocently enough Monday morning. When I tried to put gel in my hair I realized that I had lots of strands stuck to my hands. I also realized there was a lot more hair in the sink than normal. Hoping that this wasn't the beginning of the end for my poor follicles I went to work. That night when I brushed out my hair it was a veritable snow storm, but of hair. I mean, I knew that hair loss was a likely possibility, but my hair had been so strong and healthy up to this point I was secretly hoping that it might just thin a little and the destroying angel would pass by. Looks like that was too good to be true. My first concern was the fact that I had scheduled a photo shoot on Friday. I wanted to get some pictures to put on my graduation announcements, which I realize should have been done a month ago, please forgive me. What if all my hair started coming out in patches before then? How could I do a photo shoot with chunks of hair missing?? I resolved to not to wash my hair, brush it, or even touch my head until Friday, and hopefully that would preserve it a little.

                Turns out as soon as I’m not allowed to do something that is all I want to do. Not touching my hair was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. By the third day of not washing it my scalp itched, my hair was a greasy mess, and dry shampoo was about as effective as a finger in a leaky dam. But I was determined. Friday morning came and I did in fact still have hair on my head! Now came the real test. It had to be washed. I tentatively stepped in to the shower and turned on the water. Almost immediately I could feel a layer of hair rinse out. Eeeek! Using shampoo while trying not to touch your hair is an interesting balancing act I hope none of you have to experience. One more quick rinse and another wave of hair later I called it quits. It was clean enough and I was losing too many casualties.

                Blowing drying was another tricky task. Keeping it on low and trying not to disturb it too much took me nearly 10 minutes to get it mostly dry. The largest casualty was my shower curtain, which ended up covered in all the hair that had been blown free. Sheesh! After looking at the carnage I couldn't believe I still had any hair. Luckily I had thick hair to begin with and it wasn't coming out in clumps. A little careful manipulating later, and I actually looked respectable. If we're being honest, it was probably a better hair day than most. I want to take this moment to thank everyone who prayed for my hair, I’m sure that is why it stayed and looked good when I needed it most.

                The photo shoot went great and I got some really amazing photos! All photo credit goes to Rebekah Whitesides, who is an incredible talent! Chase even posed for a few, and to be honest, he is the cute one in this marriage. Rebekah was even amazing enough to start editing that day and sent me everything I needed to get my announcement done! I am still amazed at how often the people I need most come in to my life. This experience has taught me that no matter what we are being watched over and blessed every step of the way!

                Speaking of things I needed, the wonderful Anderson family was in town and had extra tickets to see Brian Regan that night, one of my favorite comedians! They were kind and generous enough to invite Chase and me to go with them. I probably have never laughed so hard for so long in my life! If laughter is the best medicine I am probably cured. Seriously side splitting laughter for an hour and a half! By the end I was so exhausted I just sat there and let the funny wash over me like a wave. Far and away the funniest event I've ever been to.

                Saturday morning was fun of a different kind. I woke up with hair all over. And by all over I mean everywhere. On my pillow, on my face, in my mouth, on Chase, in Chase’s mouth.

EVERYWHERE!! It’s like it knew its mission was accomplished and was ready to leave in force. I decided to brush it, like you do with a shedding dog, and see if that would help sort it out. Maybe if I just brushed the loose ones out I could go on living a normal life, not covered in my own dead follicles. 5 minutes later I realized that mistakes had been made. No matter how long I brushed it just kept coming and coming and coming! Enough was enough. I realized at this point I was going to lose my hair and there was nothing I could do about it.  Having made up my mind I told Chase it was time to get rid of my hair. One quick text to Briana, who had vowed to shave her head with me, and we were ready.

                Of course, when you shave off your hair you can't just cut if off and be done with it, it has to be a celebration and it makes for an excellent opportunity to try out all the crazy things you always thought about doing but never did because you were never that rebellious child in high school. The rest of this story is best told in pictures…

                So there you have it. I now officially look like a cancer patient. There isn't really a way to hide it anymore. That, more than the actual hair loss, has been the hardest part. I can't just go about my normal life and have people think that everything is fine. I look different. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but every time I go someplace I am going to have to deal with the curious, or worse pitying, looks. Losing my sense of normalcy is way worse than my hair. Luckily I have the best support system in the world. Not being the only bald girl I know is nice, thanks Briana!  I don't know many guys with hair as awesome as Chase’s who would have been willing to shave it all off. But he did, and his support, and the fact that I wasn't the only one with a crazy haircut, made going to church much easier today. He hasn’t stopped telling me how good I look bald, and that I am still beautiful, and I am grateful every day for that.  I am also discovering the many virtues of super short hair. Showers take exactly 60 seconds and feel strange and amazing. I don't have to do my hair, which saves tons of time. I never get hair in my face, I don't have to hold it back to get a drink, nothing! I could really get used to this. For any of you that are considering joining me in wonderful bald freedom I will tell you the two things you need to know: 1. Wear dark eye makeup 2. Be confident.