April 26 – Hair-magedon

                                Fair warning, this post is full of pictures, tons of them! Enjoy!

                 The weekend seemed to confirm the pattern we have been noticing after my treatments. I was sick for about four days, fatigued on the fourth day (Tuesday), and have felt like my normal self ever since. This time, the fatigue and headaches were worse, and the nausea was better. Honestly, I could get used to that, because feeling nauseous is my least favorite thing ever. But by Wednesday I was feeling good again. Chemo hasn't been nearly as debilitating as I was afraid it was going to be and I almost feel guilty about how nice everyone has been. I'm not really that sick, and it only lasts 4 days out of every 14.

                That being said, it is still chemo, and this week was a strong reminder. It started innocently enough Monday morning. When I tried to put gel in my hair I realized that I had lots of strands stuck to my hands. I also realized there was a lot more hair in the sink than normal. Hoping that this wasn't the beginning of the end for my poor follicles I went to work. That night when I brushed out my hair it was a veritable snow storm, but of hair. I mean, I knew that hair loss was a likely possibility, but my hair had been so strong and healthy up to this point I was secretly hoping that it might just thin a little and the destroying angel would pass by. Looks like that was too good to be true. My first concern was the fact that I had scheduled a photo shoot on Friday. I wanted to get some pictures to put on my graduation announcements, which I realize should have been done a month ago, please forgive me. What if all my hair started coming out in patches before then? How could I do a photo shoot with chunks of hair missing?? I resolved to not to wash my hair, brush it, or even touch my head until Friday, and hopefully that would preserve it a little.

                Turns out as soon as I’m not allowed to do something that is all I want to do. Not touching my hair was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. By the third day of not washing it my scalp itched, my hair was a greasy mess, and dry shampoo was about as effective as a finger in a leaky dam. But I was determined. Friday morning came and I did in fact still have hair on my head! Now came the real test. It had to be washed. I tentatively stepped in to the shower and turned on the water. Almost immediately I could feel a layer of hair rinse out. Eeeek! Using shampoo while trying not to touch your hair is an interesting balancing act I hope none of you have to experience. One more quick rinse and another wave of hair later I called it quits. It was clean enough and I was losing too many casualties.

April 17 - Thanks for the Love! (Chemo Day 2/12)

               Hello! Here is the weekly update, although I’m not sure how much I have to report. Like I mentioned before, most of the side effects were cleared up by last Thursday and I have felt really great all week. I’ll keep you posted on how I'm doing after my infusion today. The hardest part has been school. After a month of jam packed days, and only going to class a handful of times it was hard to get back in to the rhythm of things. It’s like I've realized how much more there is out there besides school work. That being said I was still able to study for (and get an A on) a test! I had missed so much class I wasn’t sure if I knew enough to do well. Lucky for me I have a great friend who is even willing to go to class and takes notes for me! Other exciting school things that happened this week include finishing my last ever group project and writing my last college paper (YAY!). It just seems unreal that I only have a final project and three exams between me and graduation. I have been having a minor crisis of identity as I try to sort out who I am going to be without school. Being a student has been the core of my identity as long as I can remember, and I have spent so many years in a class room. Guess we'll just have to wait and see and trust that it will all work out. I am looking forward to never having homework again!

                Today is my second infusion and I am getting it as I write this. I did a much better job packing my bag this time. I have my fuzzy blanket, plenty of snacks, a book, and a fully charged laptop. I’m all set to get pumped full of poison. It really is strange how quickly you can adjust to crazy things. I’m not sure how soon this one will affect me, but I can promise you that there will be no pastrami sandwiches in the near future! That seems to be the most difficult part, all of this not knowing how you are going to be feeling and not being able to plan for things because you just don't know. Maybe after this one I'll be able to establish some kind of pattern for how treatment makes me feel.

April 12 – Month-iversary

                Today marks one month since I was diagnosed. I can't believe how much has happened. You have access to the blog, and can see for yourself. I have spent more time in hospitals and talking to doctors than I had ever imagined I would at this point in my life. Nothing about this last month was part of my life plan, and it hasn't always been easy to deal with it. But at least the chaos seems to be behind me. The time consuming tests and procedures are all done. The treatment has started, and I am doing better than I could have hoped.

                The first few days after chemo weren't much fun. I spent my weekend mostly on the couch not wanting to eat. Luckily the weather was beautiful and Chase was able to convince me to go out and take several long walks. As counter intuitive as it seems, the exercise seems to help me feel better, rather than worse. The most miserable part of the week has been my inability to breath. The swelling from the port surgery lasted until Friday, and made it hard to breath, which made doing most other things difficult. It was a relief to have it start to feel better, and by today it is practically back to normal. The fatigue that came along with the chemo has also started to disappear. It had been hard to find the energy to do much until about Thursday. Luckily I have a desk job and can just sit around all day.

April 3 - Chemo Day (1/12)

                 It was finally time to get down to what all of this had been leading up to. I would have a chemo infusion once every two weeks for the next 24 weeks. 12 infusions in all. I would have scans part way through to ensure that the treatment was working. If it is, I will continue the treatments, get scanned again, and hopefully be declared cancer free.

                It started off with another blood test. Because the chemo attacks the cells that are dividing fastest it takes a toll on your immune system. The blood test is to ensure that my levels are high enough to withstand another treatment, although this first one is probably more of a baseline. If they aren't high enough then I can't have me infusion and have to wait a week. The infusions are given in a giant treatment room. The room is full of reclining chairs and IV stands. Everyone getting chemo that day sits in the circle of chairs.

                Chase sat with me while they got me started on my first bag of chemical fun. After about an hour he had to leave for class, and I have to admit, I didn't begrudge him leaving. For something so important to my future health, and that was going to have such severe consequences in how I felt for the next six months, it was incredibly boring. I sat in my chair and blogged. I can't believe how much has happened in the last month and it is hard to catch up on writing it all down. Most of the people around me had magazines, or were taking a nap. That’s all there is to it. We just sit there, IV’s dripping, and wait to be told we are done.

April 2

               Here we go, the moment I had been waiting for since we started this process. It meant no more injections, no more running to Salt Lake, and no more ultrasounds. It was retrieval day! It was also the earliest morning yet. Even leaving from my parent’s house it takes 30 minutes to get to the clinic. That means we had to leave the house at 6:40am to make my 7:15am check in time. Getting up before 6:30am is not something I was made to do. My brain doesn't function well that early, and let’s just say my tolerance for the minor annoyances of life is at an all-time low any time before about 8am. I was also not allowed to eat breakfast. For the second time that week I was going to a medical procedure with anesthesia, and for the second time that week I was going to have to go hungry for most of the day. *sigh* At least this was the last time.

                Everything about the retrieval went very smoothly. After talking with the doctor, it wasn't going to be too much of an issue that we had been late on the injection. They would drag out pre-op as much as possible and then we'd be close enough to the correct time that it wouldn't matter. I was given sedation drugs again and the next thing I knew I was waking up from what felt like a very good nap. I didn't even feel very sore. Although, compared to the port surgery it would have taken a lot to make me notice. The doctor informed us they were able to retrieve 24 eggs, which will give us good odds at getting several embryos mature enough to freeze. 

April 1

               Instead of going to work today I decided to use the time to get my house in order. It is my last free day before I start chemo. I also knew I needed to rest. Two surgeries in a week is a lot for anyone, and I still had chemo to look forward to. Working twice as slowly as I normally do I was able to get some cleaning done around the house.

                I had an appointment with my oncologist to discuss starting treatment and make sure that everything was good to go. It wasn't a long appointment and we got everything scheduled for that Friday. I knew I wanted to do treatments on Fridays because then I would have the whole weekend to be the sick before going back to work and school. I know cancer changes things, but I don’t want to let it disrupt my whole life.

                Some more napping that afternoon was followed by my evening class. I normally wouldn't have bothered, but it was web development and is my favorite class. The longer I am in it the more I realize I want to go in to web development once I graduate. I just need to get some experience first. That will by my plan this summer, to teach myself as much as I can about being a web developer so that when we move to Salt Lake after school I can get a job.

                Retrieval was early the next morning, so we drove back to Salt Lake again. Hopefully this will be the last time. Our families are wonderful and it has been fun to visit with them so often, but the 90 minute drive is getting really old.