Thursday morning finally arrived
and we decided to wait until the last possible moment to drive back to Logan so
that we weren’t just sitting around our house waiting until we could finally go
to the doctors and find out what was going on. So we spent several hours exploring
the sporting goods stores in South Jordan.
Once it was time to head north we
had a lot of time to talk about what could be going on and what we would do in
a “worst case scenario”. Well, if we're being honest, I wanted to discuss worst
case scenarios and Chase was convinced we didn't need to worry about it unless
it happened. He’s good at keeping things in perspective that way. He did indulge
me a little and said that if the doctor told us it was cancer it was a once in
a life time opportunity to say something outrageous. Here’s what he came up
with: “Oh good, we thought that aliens had laid eggs in her neck. Cancer we can
handle.” We both laughed at that, but in the back of my mind I was still
scared.
The wait time at the hospital was a little longer than normal, but since we were the last appointment of the day we weren't too bothered. We were shown back to the office and had a little longer to wait. Chase passed the time by inspecting all the medical posters around the room. Lindsey came in and inspected the incision from the biopsy. Everything looked good and she was able to remove the steri-strips that had been holding it closed. I’ve never experienced such a satisfying feeling. All the itching was finally gone! Those were the most obnoxious things I've ever had to put up with.
Once
that was all over she gave us the results of the biopsy. The good news was that
we had a definitive answer and we knew exactly what it was that had caused my
lymph nodes to swell up. The bad news was that it was Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a cancer
of the lymphatic system. The slightly better news was that Hodgkin’s is the rarer
and more treatable form of lymphoma.
I sat
there stunned. Part of me had been expecting her to say cancer. But the other,
much larger part of me was convinced that there was no way it could happen and
that I was going to feel silly for wasting all our time. While I sat there
trying to sort through the thoughts running through my head so that I could ask
an intelligent question Chase speaks up. “Oh good, we thought that aliens had
laid eggs in her neck. Cancer we can handle.” Both Lindsey and nurse laughed
and it seemed to ease the tension in the room just a bit.
After a
moment or two of chuckling Lindsey dove right in to explaining what Hodgkin’s
Lymphoma was and what is was going to mean for me to have it. At the moment I
felt kind of mortified that Chase had actually made that joke, but looking back
on it now I’m so glad he did. Now we have an awesome story to tell and it
seemed to make the conversation easier.
The
rest of the appointment felt very business-like as I tried to absorb all the
information coming my way. I tried to distance myself from the reality of the
situation so that I could listen to the doctor without breaking down. It wasn't
until she got to the treatment options, and the fact that the best proven treatment
for Hodgkin’s was chemo, which means hair loss, that I lost it. I don’t know
why that seemed to be the only thing that felt real to me. Lose my hair? The
hair I've been diligently growing out for the last year and a half? It seemed
so silly, superficial, and utterly unfair! Chase asked a few more questions but
we were getting to the end of Lindsey’s knowledge. They don’t treat lymphomas
at the specialty hospital and we had an appointment scheduled with a doctor at
the Oncology center the next morning. Until then all we could do was wait.
We knew
our families were waiting to hear the results of the biopsy but at that moment
I just couldn't call them. All I wanted to do was research. I wanted to know everything
there was about what was about to happen to me. Chase and I scoured the
internet and came across lots of helpful information. Once we felt prepared
enough to talk to our family we got out the phone. It took about an hour to
call both my family, Chase’s, and his sister. Everyone seemed to be as shocked
as we were, and most of the conversations were spent sharing what little
information we had and them telling us that they would do everything they could
to help us.
Feeling
completely drained I told Chase that I didn't want to think about it anymore.
He felt exactly the same way. We went out and got some Panda Express (the
ultimate comfort food) and rented a couple of movies. Then we went home,
settled down on the couch and prepared to enjoy ourselves. Little did we
realize how perfect our movie choice was. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible,
No Good, Very Bad Day actually became my favorite movie that night. For all the
silliness, that movie is genuinely sweet and the moments that could have been a
bit cheesy were exactly what I needed to hear that night.
Here is my favorite scene if you care to watch:
Before
we went to bed that night Chase gave me a priesthood blessing. The spirit was
very strong in the room. I could feel the love of my Heavenly Father as my
sweet husband spoke words of comfort and encouragement. Even though we didn't
know what the next few months were going to be like I knew that we weren't
going to have to do it alone. We have been blessed with two wonderful families
who are in a position to help us. We have so many kind and generous friends in
Logan who will watch out for us. School is almost over and I finished all my
midterms before the start of spring break. This may not be the most ideal
situation but already we have been very blessed. I tossed and turned trying to
sleep, but even though I was scared and I felt that things were about to get
really hard, was comforted knowing that I wouldn't have to do it alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment